Advice Request from Client:

I never imagined that one person could affect my work life so profoundly, but here I am—dreading each morning because of a single co-worker. This colleague is constantly negative, always finding something to complain about, and somehow manages to undermine others while maintaining a pleasant face in front of management. It’s like walking on eggshells. They criticize ideas indirectly, take subtle credit for shared efforts, and seem to enjoy stirring up friction in ways that are hard to call out without looking petty. It’s exhausting.

I’ve tried to keep things professional and not take it personally, but over time it’s gotten harder. I feel emotionally drained after every interaction. I’ve caught myself avoiding meetings or speaking up in group settings just to steer clear of their commentary. I’m someone who used to enjoy collaboration—who liked being part of a team—but now I find myself becoming withdrawn, second-guessing myself, and even wondering if I’m imagining it all.

I don’t want to be overly sensitive or create tension, but I also don’t want to keep sacrificing my peace of mind every day just to avoid conflict. What can I do when HR isn’t really an option and confrontation feels like a no-win situation? How do I protect my energy and hold onto my confidence in this kind of toxic dynamic?

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Advice from our Doctor of Psychology:

First, let me validate something essential: you are not being too sensitive, nor are you imagining things. The impact of a consistently difficult colleague can ripple far beyond the surface. What you’re describing is a slow, corrosive psychological drain—a form of subtle workplace toxicity that too often goes unaddressed because it hides behind plausible deniability.

Let’s take a closer look at how to navigate this, protect your sense of self, and regain agency in a situation that’s begun to feel inescapable.

You Are Not Overreacting—You're Reacting Appropriately to Emotional Contamination
There’s a unique kind of fatigue that comes from sustained exposure to someone whose behavior erodes trust and psychological safety. The body and mind respond with tension, avoidance, hyper-vigilance, and self-doubt—natural defense mechanisms when we’re exposed to low-level hostility or manipulation. This isn’t about weakness. It’s about your nervous system trying to protect you. Acknowledge this, not with shame, but with compassion. You’re not broken. You’re wise to notice.

Recognize the Pattern—Name It to Tame It
The first step in reclaiming your power is clarity. You’re dealing with a pattern of covert antagonism: subtle sabotage, manipulative charm, backhanded compliments, and strategic positioning. These are difficult to confront because they are difficult to prove. But naming them—at least to yourself—is crucial. It restores a sense of internal order. You begin to see that the issue is not your over-sensitivity; it’s the environment being subtly distorted by someone who thrives on imbalance.

Reclaim Boundaries—Even Without Confrontation
While direct confrontation isn’t always viable, psychological boundaries are still within your reach. That might mean limiting unnecessary interaction, refusing to engage in their negativity, and re-centering your own values. When they complain, don’t argue—redirect. When they take credit, document your contributions quietly. When they fish for reactions, don’t bite. You are not required to match their energy. Your calm, neutral presence is a power move they won’t know how to handle.

Reconnect with Yourself and Your Worth
Toxic interactions distort our self-perception. You begin to question your instincts, your abilities, your voice. It’s vital to counter that erosion with intentional grounding. Make time to reflect on what you know to be true about yourself. Revisit old feedback, talk to trusted colleagues, or simply recall moments where you felt fully in your element. Remind yourself that this one person does not get to define the atmosphere of your career.

Find Micro-Moments of Recovery
Even when you can’t escape a toxic dynamic entirely, you can build pockets of recovery into your day. A few deep breaths before and after a meeting. A walk outside. A silent mantra that brings you back to your center: “Their behavior is about them, not me.” These may seem small, but over time they restore your sense of control.

Document Quietly—Protect Yourself Wisely
Even if HR feels unhelpful now, it's worth keeping a record of interactions—not with the aim of immediate escalation, but as a safeguard. You never know when that documentation might become necessary, and having it can make you feel more grounded in your reality.

Above all, know this: the impact of toxic people is real, but so is your resilience. You are allowed to protect your peace, assert your space, and thrive—even in an environment that makes that feel difficult. This isn’t just about enduring—it’s about strategic self-preservation in the name of your professional and emotional wellbeing.

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