Advice Request from Client:

I’m struggling with a co-worker who constantly undercuts me in subtle, passive-aggressive ways. They’ll “forget” to CC me on important emails, offer corrections to my work in front of others, and somehow always manage to take credit in group settings for ideas I contributed. It’s not blatant enough to file a formal complaint, but it’s eroding my confidence and making me dread going to work.

This person is well-liked by management and seems to be viewed as competent and charming. I, on the other hand, am more introverted and tend to focus on just getting the job done without needing attention. But this dynamic is making me feel like I’m being overshadowed, even sabotaged. I’ve started second-guessing myself constantly and find myself ruminating over our interactions long after the workday ends.

I’ve tried to keep things professional, but I can feel my resentment building, and it’s affecting both my mood and my performance. I don’t want to be seen as dramatic or petty, but I also don’t think I should have to just accept this behavior. How do I protect my peace and my professional reputation in the face of this kind of subtle hostility?

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Advice from our Doctor of Psychology:

What you're describing is a particularly painful kind of professional erosion—not overt conflict, but the quiet, calculated form of undermining that’s difficult to name and even harder to address without appearing reactive. You are not imagining this. And you're not being petty. You’re confronting a form of workplace behavior that is psychologically taxing and emotionally depleting.

Let’s unpack your experience and chart a path forward that safeguards your integrity, protects your peace, and affirms your worth.

Subtle Sabotage Is Still Sabotage
Just because this person’s tactics are cloaked in charm and plausible deniability doesn’t make their behavior any less harmful. In fact, these underhanded strategies often cause deeper harm because they leave the target questioning their own perceptions. The doubt you’re experiencing—that sense of “Am I overreacting?”—is part of the emotional impact of being subtly undermined. What you’re feeling is real, and it deserves to be taken seriously.

Your Introversion Is Not a Weakness
You mentioned that you’re more introverted and prefer to let your work speak for itself. That’s a noble strength, but in environments that reward visibility over substance, it can sometimes leave space for louder personalities to take control of the narrative. That doesn’t mean you need to become someone you’re not—but it does mean learning to advocate for yourself in ways that feel authentic. You don’t need to seek attention; you just need to make sure your contributions are clearly documented and acknowledged.

Name the Behavior—Even if Only to Yourself
It may be helpful to start tracking specific incidents in a private document: times you were excluded from communication, instances where your work was publicly corrected, or situations where your ideas were co-opted. This record isn’t just for your memory—it’s a psychological anchor. It helps affirm your reality and arms you with concrete examples if you ever need to bring concerns to a supervisor or HR.

Reclaim Your Narrative Without Playing Their Game
There is a powerful middle ground between silence and confrontation. You might begin by diplomatically asserting yourself in real time. For example, if your idea is attributed to someone else, you could calmly interject: “I’m glad that’s resonating—when I brought it up in last week’s meeting, I had a similar vision.” These moments don’t need to be confrontational—they simply re-establish the truth. Small statements like this reclaim your voice, one moment at a time.

You Deserve Psychological Safety at Work
One of the most demoralizing effects of a colleague like this is the loss of safety—the sense that your workplace is a place where you can simply do your job without having to look over your shoulder. If this pattern continues, or if their behavior escalates, you have every right to raise your concerns through the appropriate channels. Just because the behavior is subtle doesn’t mean it’s not harmful.

Protecting Yourself Is Not Pettiness—It’s Professionalism
Don’t let your integrity become a liability. Your quiet dedication, your professionalism, and your refusal to play office politics are strengths. But that doesn’t mean you have to be silent in the face of disrespect. Protecting your peace isn’t being dramatic—it’s being wise.

You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to expect fairness. And you are allowed to stand up, calmly and confidently, for the respect you’ve earned.

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