Advice Request from Client:

Every time I try to express how I feel—whether it's sadness, frustration, or even joy—my partner either shuts down or tells me I'm overreacting. For example, I recently told them that I felt hurt when they canceled our plans last minute to hang out with friends, and their response was, “You’re too sensitive, it wasn’t a big deal.” This kind of thing happens often.

I’m starting to feel like I can’t bring up anything without being invalidated or made to feel like I’m the problem for having feelings at all. I’ve started bottling things up just to avoid being dismissed, but it’s eating away at me. I love this person, but I don’t feel emotionally safe. What can I do to either fix this dynamic or know when it’s time to walk away?

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Advice from our Doctor of Psychology:

What you're describing is a deeply painful experience—and unfortunately, an all-too-common one in relationships where emotional safety has been compromised. Your instinct to protect your inner world by withdrawing is not weakness; it is a survival response. When emotional invalidation becomes chronic, it erodes trust and connection, and it’s entirely understandable that you're feeling stuck between love and self-preservation.

Let’s begin with what you’ve already clearly demonstrated: you are aware of your emotional needs and willing to reflect on how your relationship dynamic affects your well-being. That insight is powerful and important. The next step is to bring that awareness into a constructive, emotionally anchored plan.

First, acknowledge to yourself that your feelings are valid. The recurring pattern you describe—expressing vulnerability and being met with dismissal—is a form of emotional invalidation. When your partner says “You’re too sensitive” or minimizes your hurt, it sends a message that your emotions are inconvenient or unwelcome. That message is not only inaccurate—it is emotionally harmful.

Next, consider introducing a “framework conversation,” one that sets the tone for change. This is not about blaming, but about re-establishing a foundation of mutual emotional respect. You might begin with something like:

“I’ve noticed that when I share how I feel, I often leave the conversation feeling more alone. I’m not saying this to accuse you—I’m sharing this because I want our connection to deepen, not disappear. I need to know that my feelings are safe with you, even when they’re hard to hear.”

This kind of language is emotionally honest, direct, and invites collaboration rather than defensiveness.

If your partner is open, consider establishing emotional safety agreements. These can include simple but profound commitments like:

No dismissing or judging feelings during discussions

Active listening without interrupting or “fixing”

Validating before responding (“That makes sense you’d feel that way.”)

Taking breaks if one person feels overwhelmed, with a promise to return to the conversation later

However, it’s also important to be clear: emotional safety is not negotiable. Love cannot thrive in an environment where vulnerability is consistently punished. If your partner is unwilling or unable to acknowledge the impact of their behavior, or if every effort at constructive dialogue is met with defensiveness, minimization, or ridicule, then you must consider your own emotional sustainability in the relationship.

In that case, ask yourself:

Do I feel more seen and supported when I’m with them—or more anxious and invisible?

Am I growing in this relationship, or shrinking to keep the peace?

Is the person I love today also willing to grow and love me better tomorrow?

Sometimes, staying is a brave act of rebuilding. Other times, walking away is a brave act of self-respect. Only you can determine which path is right—but know this: your feelings are not too much, your needs are not unreasonable, and your voice deserves to be heard with kindness.

Whether this relationship heals or not, your capacity for love, clarity, and courage is intact—and already leading you toward something better.

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