Advice Request from Client:

I’m struggling with how to parent effectively while going through a major life change. My partner and I recently moved to a new city, and I started a new job, which has been exciting but also overwhelming. Our children, who are both in their early teens, have been having a hard time adjusting to the move. They’re acting out in ways that they never did before, and I feel like I’m not managing things well at all. My partner and I both have full-time jobs, and the stress of everything has taken a toll on our family life. I want to be supportive and patient with my kids during this time, but I also feel like I’m at my breaking point.

I’m unsure how to balance my personal well-being, the needs of my children, and my responsibilities at work. How can I better support my family while taking care of myself during this transition?

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Advice from our Doctor of Psychology:

First of all, I want to acknowledge the immense effort you're putting into balancing so many moving parts during this challenging time. Major life transitions, such as a big move or a career change, can put significant stress on families, and it's entirely natural to feel overwhelmed. Your desire to support both your children and yourself while managing your responsibilities is commendable, and it shows a strong commitment to your family’s well-being. Let’s explore some steps you can take to restore balance and regain a sense of control during this time.

1. Acknowledge the Emotional Weight of the Transition

It’s essential to recognize that both you and your children are experiencing emotional strain from the move, even if it’s not always outwardly expressed. Children, especially teens, can struggle with significant changes like this, often acting out because they feel a lack of control. Allow space for everyone to express how they’re feeling about the change, including you. Share your own frustrations and fears with your partner and children in an open, honest way. Sometimes just acknowledging that this is hard for everyone can help relieve some of the tension.

2. Set Clear Expectations and Routines

During times of upheaval, routines provide much-needed stability. Creating consistent daily structures helps both you and your children feel more grounded. Work together with your partner to establish clear family routines, particularly around mealtimes, homework, and family time. Set boundaries around when work calls or emails can be answered and designate specific family times to reconnect and unwind. A predictable routine helps reduce anxiety and fosters a sense of normalcy for your children, which is crucial as they adapt to their new surroundings.

3. Encourage Open Communication and Empathy

It’s essential to encourage open lines of communication with your children. They may be feeling displaced, misunderstood, or frustrated but might not have the language to express it. Foster a family environment where emotional expression is valued. When your children act out, instead of reacting immediately with frustration, try to respond with empathy. For example, if they’re upset about the move, acknowledge their feelings: “I know this has been tough for you, and I can see how hard it is to leave behind your old life. Let’s talk about what’s bothering you and see how we can make it easier for you.”

4. Balance Your Self-Care with Family Care

As a parent, it’s natural to want to put your family’s needs first. However, if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to give your best to your children or partner. Prioritize self-care, even if it means asking for help. Take moments during the day, even if brief, to recharge. Whether it’s a quiet cup of coffee before the kids wake up, a short walk during lunch, or a relaxing evening activity that allows you to unwind, make sure you’re nourishing your own well-being. A healthy, grounded parent is the best support for children during times of stress.

5. Get Support from Your Partner and Outside Resources

Parenting in the midst of a major life transition is not something you have to do alone. It’s crucial to rely on your partner for emotional support and to divide responsibilities in a way that feels manageable. If possible, create a weekly family schedule that includes designated time for each of you to focus on work and time for family bonding. Additionally, consider seeking external support, such as counseling or a parenting support group, to help process the emotional challenges you’re facing and gain new coping strategies.

6. Celebrate Small Wins and Progress

In challenging times, it's easy to get bogged down by what’s not working. Instead, take a moment to celebrate the small victories. Perhaps your children made it through a tough week at school or had a positive interaction with a new friend. Maybe you successfully carved out some quality family time amidst the chaos. Acknowledge these moments of success, and allow yourself to feel proud of your efforts. Recognizing small wins builds resilience and keeps everyone motivated.

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